The Five Neighbors in the midst of Mahabharata
** This story begins on a
balcony in the fifth floor of Dest’s house. She is talking to Reg, who is
walking down the road towards the Hastinapur Palace**
Dest: ** in loud voice** Reg, did you hear about it?
Reg: ** looks around searching for the voice** who is it? Where are
you?
Dest: Reg, it is me, Dest. Here in the balcony.
Reg: ** looking up in the balcony** yes, Dest. What are you talking
about?
Dest: I am talking about Pandava brothers. Did you not!!!
Reg: I have no clue on what you have to say. Why don’t you come down?
** Wej lives just opposite to where Dest’s house is located. He comes
up to his window because of the loud conversation that was going on **
Wej: What is this noise coming from? Are you guys out of your mind I
am trying to see the news.
Dest: Wej, come down to my garden. I will give you all the news that
you have been waiting for, you don’t have to watch the news.
** Both Dest and Wej walks down to the garden where Reg was waiting
for them**
Wej: Okay, what is the news?
Dest: So, you guys haven’t heard about what happened in the Palace.
Reg: I told you earlier, I don’t know. Why don’t you just tell us?
Dest: So the Kaurava brothers invited Pandava brothers over to the
palace today for the grant party. Then they started to gamble.
Reg: Who are they?
Wej: Shakuni and Yudhishthira?
Dest: Exactly.
Reg: I think I know what the result of this is. Shakuni is a magician
and has power to manipulate the dice.
Dest: Wait, What???
Wej: Did you not know about Shakuni’s ability to manipulate the dice?
Dest: No, not at all. Wow, it all makes sense now. I was thinking that
Yudhishthira is a very unlucky person till now.
Reg: So, I am thinking Yudhishthira lost some of his jewels in this
gambling?
Dest: No, Reg. It is more than that!
Wej: So he lost some horses with it?
Dest: No
Wej: He lost everything?
Dest: Yes, he lost everything. Horses, jewels and all his belongings.
Reg: Om Nama shivaya! This is such a bad news. I was on my way to the
palace to have some good time. But, with all this I don’t feel like going there
anymore. Kaurava brothers are the bad omen to our Hastinapur. They should leave
the Palace and let Pandava brothers be our king.
** Yuva and Buk runs into the garden; they are the other Neighbors of
Dest who lives in the same community**
Yuva: Guys, Yudhishthira is stupid. He just became a slave.
Reg: what???
Dest: The black clouds are shining over our head right now. What are
you talking about?
Buk: Yudhishthira just lost himself in the gambling and became the
slave of Kaurava brothers.
Wej: No way!
Yuva: Not only that he then lost Draupadi too and now the Kaurava
brothers are trying to strip her naked in front of everyone.
Dest: No way! We cannot let this happen. Let us go and protest in
front of the palace.
Reg: Yes, we should. Let’s go.
Yuva: We have to hurry up!!!
Buk: Let’s go!!!
Wej: Let’s run.
** The story ends with all of the five characters running towards the
palace to protest against the Kaurava brothers ***
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| Gossip Link: Source |
Author’s Note:
This week I have decided to write a story with Neighborhood
gossip style. I believe whatever happened in the story of Mahabharata had a lot
of people talking about in the neighborhood. I thought this would be a great
story to show what people living in the same era thought about all the
situations that took place in the Palace. This will put out the facts about
what people did and how they acted during when the story took place. I am also
choosing the script style in the story, that way I can place more than one
character in the story and have their voices heard. There are a lot of events
that takes place in Mahabharata, Duryodhana the eldest of the Kaurava brothers
was very jealous of Pandava brothers in any way that you can think about. Duryodhana
tried to kill Bhima, burned the house of Pandava brothers and then plotted a
gambling match to take away all the possessions of Pandava brothers. In this
story I am focusing on the gambling part in this story. During the gambling,
Duryodhana and Shakuni plots a dice match with eldest Pandava brother, Yudhishthira.
They take away all his possessions including horses, jewels and eventually even
his own self and then his wife Draupadi. Then the Kaurava brother proceeds to
strip Draupadi naked in front of all the people. People must have heard about what happened
inside the palace that day. But the story fails to tell us about the people
beside the one in the palace and the main characters of Mahabharata.
Bibliography:
Title: PDE Mahabharata
Author: Arnold, Besant, Devee, Dutt, Ganguli, Kincaid, Macfie,Mackenzie, Nivedita, Seeger, and Tagore.
Year of Publication: 1921
I've also been experimenting with writing in an all-dialogue style. I find it tricky because I don't really like interrupting the verbal flow with asides and stage direction-like things, though you accomplished this pretty well in your story. I think the neighborhood gossip format is very appropriate for the tale you picked -- in The Mahabharata we only hear the side of each set of cousins, but surely everyone in the city was talking about what was going on!
ReplyDeleteI did like the dialogue, I think it told the story in a unique way. I do think you could have done this story effectively with prose, but I appreciate a writer experimenting with different styles.
ReplyDeleteI want to point out, however, that you do have some things that need to be capitalized. Additionally you have parts that have multiple exclamation marks, and grammatically it needs to be a single exclaimation Mark.
Furthermore, you should put spaces between each line of dialogue, so it is easier to read.
Also, if you want to do the formal scriptwriting form, I would look that up online, because it actually looks different than what you did.
BUT, again I appreciate your creativity and you have created a very unique, engaging, and original concept with your retellining of this story!
I am sorry , I know I put a lot of criticisms, but it's because I like to get people thinking more about what they have written. (And I am a professional writing major with a minor in literature, so I am critical by nature.)
But in all seriousness, you did a good job, and I enjoyed reading it! I'm curious to see how your next stories go!